I used to have trouble with being angry all the time. I used to get angry quickly but hold it in and not express it until the anger built up and I exploded. One day I realized I didn’t want to be angry anymore and decided to change. Meditation is what helped me.
Using mindfulness I started to sit with my anger instead of feeding the negative feelings associated with it. For example, if somebody said something hurtful I used to think about why they said that instead of defending myself. Over time I came to realize that them saying something negative about me is no reason to get angry. Their opinions and thoughts and feelings are valid and they can think and feel whatever they like.
Of course it wasn’t that alone. Combined with the fact that I was letting go of my “self” and seeing that the voice that uses the word “I” is just a voice and not “me” as well as being open and accepting of everything, I began to let go of my anger.
If I had to distill my process down to steps it would be:
1) When I become angry I become aware of the feeling as soon as possible.
2) Don’t react to the anger or let it push me to action right away. Just be aware of any feelings in my body and the thoughts that are arising.
Optional:
3) Question the thoughts that are making me angry. For example, if I’m mad at someone because they ditched me when we made plans did that person actually do something wrong? Do I need them to apologize or make up for it? For me the answer is no, absolutely not. People may do as they please. I may not make plans with them again, but I choose not to be angry because they don’t have to change to please me. They can be however they like.
These steps need to be repeated over and over again until one day you may find that the things that used to drive you crazy become amusing.
I hope this post is clear. It’s not really one thing in particular but a combination of love, acceptance, and awareness that I’ve been working on for years very slowly. I’m not saying I don’t want to feel angry, I just don’t want anger to overtake me and cloud my judgement or cause me to hurt somebody. Anger can be useful if I know how to use it.
The first step is realizing that you don’t have to be angry. Anger doesn’t have to be the solution to a problem. You don’t need anger to protect you all the time. You’d be surprised how much stronger kindness is.
What do you think? I’d love to hear your thoughts. Once again thank you very much for taking the time to read my posts. I don’t know if these are useful or boring but I’m sharing my path and experiences because maybe it will help someone.
Much Love,
Andy
it's hard to stay awake 